One week and counting....

I saw my Dr. on Thursday. The same day my pregnancy turned 38 weeks. Halleluja!! She said, "If you're dilated at all, I will induce tomorrow." Of course, upon examination, I was NOT dilated. So she's on vacation all next week because her 5 kids are on spring break. But Sunday night, she said, I can go ahead and go to the hospital, and wait through the night. Monday morning, they'll begin induction. YAAAY! I finally see the end to this long, miserable road. Have you ever tried to keep up a house-cleaning business, however small, with a 20 pound baby attached to the inside of your mid-section??? Well. He's not 20 pounds. But all his luggage adds up to at least that much!! It's been hard hard hard. And it's almost over.

We went to Kohls the other day and bought his coming home outfit. It's a little blue short/overall set with a teddy bear on the front. He has tiny little tennis shoes made from cloth, and tiny little white socks. It has a matching soft, satiny/silky blanket to go with it. Yesterday, I washed and put back together his carseat. The same carseat Shelbi used only not quite 2 years ago. It's really amazing how quickly everything has happened.

His clothes are all tidy in his little drawer. His diapers are neatly stacked (YEAH RIGHT). His baby stuff is in little pooh baskets, and Grandma has just about completed the shelves that go in the kids' room. Have I mentioned that they are POOH!!

And my body is holding on to him like there's no tomorrow. I feel like a giant pimple that just needs to be popped. But there's no head to pop!! So it's just festering. I am festering. My stomach is ugly, my butt is ugly, my arms and legs are fat and ugly, my face is swollen, and this baby is ripe. Past ripe. Maybe he's rotting in there. HE NEEDS AIR!! HE NEEDS OXYGEN!!

I am so done with being pregnant. Seriously. Done. Finished. Finito. Remind me not to do this again for a long, loooong time.

Shelbi has been extremely clingy lately. Like, almost frantically so. She sometimes runs up to me and says "HUG! HUG! HUG!" So I pick her up, and she wraps her little arms around my neck, lays her head on my shoulder, and hangs on for dear life. Like she's a sticky person. Maybe she senses that the baby is coming. I've been telling her every day how things will be different (maybe I'm preparing me more than her). She knows who Berek is, where he is, where his clothes are, his toys are, and his bed are. She loves to play with his carseat, and she kisses him often. But she doesn't get it I don't think.

Leslie is here visiting and that does provide entertainment for her.

Well, I'm off to fester some more.

Still no baby

Another day, and no baby. Another long, long day, and no baby. I'm 38 weeks on Thursday, and yes, I'm having only normal pregnancy symptoms. Nothing out of the darn ordinary. DANG IT! How do women DO this?

I never felt this way with Shelbi. I never felt this desperate or miserable. I never felt chlostrophobic<---------spelling?

I never felt soooo helpless, or fat, or inadequate, or....whiny.

Really. I complain non-stop. I try to focus on other things, and often, it works. For about 5 minutes. Remind me not to EVER do this again. At least not before I get hitched. Geez.

Mom is making my life so much easier though. I came out of Shelbi's room the other day and said "We need shelves.". I gave it no second thought, but the next day, Mom was on a mission. We went to Home Depot and out of nowhere, she pulled out enough money to pay for the lumber to build shelves!! They're big, too. 6 feet high and 5 feet across. She cut out Winnie The Pooh shapes all up and down the sides. It's almost done, and then I will paint it the same colors as Shelbi's room. It will be so nice to be able to stack stuff on her shelves than on the floor!

I'm blown away every now and again this past month. I keep remembering that I am having a second child, and what that means...not just for me, but for Shelbi. I was filling out his baby book, and it had a place for siblings' names. I almost skipped that part, but remembered, wait!!! He has a sister! She has a brother, and he has a sister! When I shop, I buy stuff for him, AND her!! I need space for her clothes, AND his clothes!! Pretty soon, there will be his and her toys. Oh crap. Here it comes. I can see it now. Mine!! No that's MINE!! MINE!, NO MINE!!. Oh, bother. But I love it. I wish that I could just devote all my time to the kiddos, and home. I wish that I didn't have to go to work. I wish that I didn't have to worry about school. I wish I wish I wish. I wish I had a house. WAIT! I already do.

If I only had a dependable car. WAIT! I have two.

I wish my Mom were around to help. WAIT!! She lives with me.

If only I had enough food, enough clothes for us all, nice things in our home.....WAIT!! I already do!! Really. I think all the time about what I don't have. I really should pay attention to what I DO have. I do have a lot.

Full Term FINALLY

I am FINALLY full term!! I am 37 weeks pregnant today, and boy, do I feel pregnant! I feel physically that I couldn't be any more pregnant than I am right now. I know in my head that I CAN get even more pregnant....aka....even 'bigger', but at the moment, I feel a little better about wishing him out!

Up until now, people have been saying "Oh, no. Don't wish that your baby will be born prematurely. You don't want THAT to happen." Of course I don't want him to be born too early. But really, how early is too early. I was 35 weeks pregnant, and I knew that he would more than survive, he would have thrived. But there were those accusatory remarks.

So now.....HA!! I AM FULL TERM, AND I WILL TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANT HIM OUTTA DODGE!! Hopefully without too many negative comments from other people.

I decided not to name him Berek Joaquin. I removed the Joaquin (after much careful consideration) and have decided on Dean. Berek Dean Chasteen. I loooove the name now. I just can't hear it enough. Berek Dean Chasteen.

I named him after my friend Berek Solano and my brother Richard Dean.
Have I mentioned that I just LOOOVE the name.

I feel him moving right now, which is good because it means he's still alive and kickin', but I wish that he would stay fine and be still because that means that labor could be starting. I'm having a little discharge....(just what you wanted to know), and that's a sign that labor is coming, so it's gonna happen. I just know it. It's gonna happen all by itself this time. And when it does, it won't be any more of this 36 hours of labor crap. It's gonna be quicker, and hopefully less painful. Pray that it will get here quick, and be over quickly.

I just wanna meet this little man already! I want to know if he has hair, or not so much hair.

Is he dark? Or is he lighter? Does he look like Poncho? Or will he look more like me?
I NEED ALL THESE QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!

ALL IN DUE TIME, BELOVED.

That reminds me. I just finished reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. Holy Cow. Talk about moving. I could read and read and read that book. I recommend it to everyone. It gives me hope that someday I will find a man worth keeping. Better yet, that he would find me.

Moooooving on. I'm done with this post, and I'm done with this pregnancy. I'm going to hit "Publish" and my water will break. Here goes.......

MISERABLE

I am 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I might as well be 50 weeks because I feel like C-R-A-P!!
I feel like no one could ever possibly understand my misery. I know that's not possible, but a woman who is 8 and a half months pregnant isn't very interested in anything other than themselves and getting this THING OVERWITH!!

I know he's big enough to come out.....

I know I'M big enough for him to come out.....

So WHY DOESN'T HE JUST COME OUT??

I've been working sooooo hard, and my body is sooooo tired. I need to get my old self back to I can get back up to speed making money. I am SO FRUSTRATED!!