More changes, more things staying the same.

It's been so very long since I wrote on this thing. Without mentioning any names, I will go into the story of my love life.
You see, there's this guy. He came into my life and turned it upside-down. He cleans my house, cares for the children right along-side of me, pays for things, and always thinks of me. He shows me that he thinks of me by buying my lotto tickets sometimes, or grabbing extra packs of cigarettes just because. I love him. I do love him, just in a different way than I've ever loved anyone. I do not understand it because physically, he is not my type. I won't go into what exactly my type is right now, though. It's not necessary to go into all that.

My life is too wrapped up in other people, I think. I think that maybe I should focus more on myself and what is best for me. It's hard because I don't like to look inward. It's depressing to do that. I am so afraid that little by little, I am losing my mind. NOT like going crazy, although I do feel that sometimes too. I just mean, losing my ability to intelligently figure out things, problem solve, if you will. It always amazes me when a 6 or 7 year old out-thinks me. I can't help but think that that's not normal. Like, I am getting dumber the older i get. The older I get, the more i realize that I don't know. I am still learning all the stuff that I thought I knew forever ago.