Paint

I was feeling really tired this morning, and super short of breath because Berek is still head up, and enjoys pushing on whatever it is that makes it hard to breathe. So I laid down for an hour or so. I finally got to feeling so down in the dumps that I finally decided to just get up and do something. PAINT!! That's what I'll do. If I start now, I'll be done by tomorrow evening. Well I'll be darned, I got it done in less than 5 hours!! It's so pretty already. I put a disney blue on the top two/thirds of the room, and a disney green on the bottom. I have a Winnie The Pooh border to put between the two colors, and tons of WTP appliques for decoration.

It would figure that after I've bought the paint, and thought for over a year about how to paint her room, she would start loving Princess stuff. Yep. She wants Princess vitamins, pj's, and anything else we can find. But Berek is coming, and I refuse to put him in a princess-themed room. She'll just have to learn to love Winnie the pooh. She still does, but not as much as Princess.

I am 34 weeks and two days. I can feel his head up, and I'm close to starting to worry about what if he doesn't turn? The doc said she can turn him, but what if I have to have a C-section? I am terrified of that. I'd do almost anything to avoid that. Pray for me that it won't happen.

It almost did with Shelbi. I was in labor for 35 1/2 hours. I was still not dilated enough to give birth vaginally, and Shelbi was in distress. My doc wasn't there, and the attending doc said to prep for a C-section. I immediately asked mom to call whoever could pray for me, and the chaplain came up, and we prayed, and lo and behold, my blessed doc came in and said..."Get ready to push!!" 45 minutes later, out came Shelbi!!! Let's hope for a quick labor and delivery with this one. Only 40 more days!!!

I just finished reading Charleston by Alexandra Ripley. It just ended.......WITHOUT A DECENT ENDING!! She's sitting in front of her fireplace trying to decide between Joe and Harry, and then she goes upstairs to bed. THAT IS IT!!! THAT'S HOW IT ENDS!!! Let me know if I'm the only one who feels this way.

New pics

I finally got these pics of Shelbi back. Isn't she precious??

She loves to kiss her baby brother!! I really hope she still feels that way once she meets him!

Notice the pink on her sleeve and in her hair. I thought it was neat the way they did that.

Shelbi was really good for most of the time, but towards the end, she was squirmy! It was worth it though.

I just took a walk down to the post office. It's only a half mile each way, but we live at the top of a very steep hill. The walk down was a breeze and only took a couple minutes. The walk BACK, however, was a different story. I'm only wearing a little summer dress because it's SOOOO hot in mi casa. But it's 43 degrees outside. So I bundled Shelbi up in more than 3 layers, and me in a little coat, flip flops and my dress. BIG FREAKING MISTAKE. On the way back up the hill, I could think only of the burning in my chest, and the horrible memories it brought back of the Ranch and how we had to walk UP THAT MASSIVE HILL in the snow, or sun, or whatever kind of weather, and how I hid my trauma by pretending for a while that I LOVED it. I didn't want anyone to think that they had gotten the best of me, so I didn't walk up the hill. I RAN UP IT!! I could not, however, run up the hill this time. I am 8 months pregnant, the wind was blowing, and I'm wearing flip flops on a dirt road. I'm brilliant, I know. PLUS, I was pushing a snug and warm Shelbi in her stroller. I fell into my house and broke down into tears because I hurt so bad.

all that and NO BABY YET!!!

I really wish he'd just come out already!!! I want to meet him, hold him, love him, care for him, and all that good stuff. Oh, and by the way...I FEEL LIKE A MISERABLE FAT COW!! And no matter how hard I try, I cant help but waddle!!

This is what happens on the other side though. This is what I got last time, so there's no telling how wonderful my NEXT little bundle of joy will be.

GOD

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those
things which are above, where Christ is, sitting
at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on
the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden
with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life
appears, then you also will appear with Him in
glory.

Therefore put to death your members which
are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness,
passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which
is idolatry.

Because of these things the wrath of God is
coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which
you yourselves once walked when you lived in
them.

But now you yourselves are to put off all these:
anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy
language out of your mouth.

Colossians 3:1-8

Just another day in Paradise

This is my fambly. Isn't this a good pic! I think so. Originally, it was with a green background, but it definitely looks better now. Shelbi did really good for the entire session, but she didn't like the guys who were taking the pictures. I didn't really either. Kids are ALWAYS good judges of character, and if they don't like someone, there's also typically a reason. Go with your kids gut.

I gave up the fight today. I have been growing my bangs out since around September, but the longer they get, the less I like how they look, so OFF they came today, and I am sooooo happy I did it. I look and feel like me again. Some women look great without bangs, and some just look better with.

Shelbi has been doing good. She is getting better after having 2 ear infections and a sinus infection. Me, I have bronchitis, and mom just had a little sore throat.

Shelbi has started really eating. She has 3-5 poopy diapers a day, as opposed to 1-2 (which is what one could expect for the first year and a half of her life). I think it's because she has started drinking the Pediasure drinks, which provide a LOT of nutrition, and because she's being nourished, she's craving more real food. Yesterday, Mom said that she ate two whole scrambled eggs, 3/4 of a piece of french toast, 2 pieces of bacon, and drank a whole glass of milk.

She must be getting ready to grow! She's in 3T's now, and a size 5 shoe. I can't believe how tall she's getting. She's also slim. She lost from 25 pounds down to 24 1/4 pounds. I'm not sure exactly how tall she is, but she's definitely got her Papa's slender figure, not my......well......anyway.

This baby in my tummy is getting SO BIG. I think he weighs at least 3 1/2 pounds, if not 4. Everyone is astonished by how big my tummy is, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't gained that much weight, only about 10 pounds total, and the other parts of my body really haven't changed that much. I think it's because I've never worked my stomach muscles, so they are really weak, and don't provide much support for my growing uterus. Hence, the stretch marks. I could have prevented it all......

Quite honestly, it's all worth it. Not only is it worth it, but I would have made, and will make however many more sacrifices(if you wanna call them that) just to have my angels in my life. When Shelbi is sick, when she is crying, when she is happy, when she is laughing, when she is quiet, loud, friendly, outgoing, shy, bashful...these art the times when I love her most. These are the times when I want to take care of her every waking second. When she is mis-behaving, this is the time when I love her most. I love her most when I see the spirit in her eyes and the intelligence behind her grin. I love her when she is defiant, compliant, easy and hard to get along with. I love her when she is in the bath, and when she is covered in food in her high chair. I love her when she has a poopy diaper, and I love to change that poopy diaper. I get satisfaction out of scanning her latest bowel movement to make sure that everything is coming out okay, and that her system is working well. I love to investigate smells, sounds, and mysterious pieces of who-knows-what that she brings me. When she hollers "HELP!" from a totally different room, and I have JUST sat down to relax or do homework, I love to go to her to see what kind of crisis she's encountered. These include: she's trying to get her baby, who is in the stroller, into her little play house, but it just won't go! and she's fallen into her toybox and probably could get out if she tried, but it's so much easier to call mom. and, the drawer that she's not supposed to be into has been opened a bit, just not enough for her to pull out her shoes, and if she hollers, one of us will come in to help her get it open that much more. and she can't get the baby's clothes off or on, and she will just DIE if she can't dress or undress that particular baby at that particular moment.

I love her when she's eaten only an hour before, and you know she can't possibly have room for another bite, yet she toddles into the room saying loudly "HUGGY HUGGY HUG, HUG,HUG,HUG,HUG,HUGGY!! Which we now know means "Please, if you don't mind, I'm hungry and would like something to eat." I love her. I just love her. Even when she frowns and has that little crease right above her right eye that is IDENTICAL to the little crease above the right eye of 'someone I know' and when she makes that face she reminds me of him EXACTLY.

She reminds me of what a miracle it was for her to even have been created, and how God just knew I needed her, and decided to loan her to me for a while. She reminds me that life can throw fastballs at you, and it can also throw wonderful, magnificent blessings your way. I love her.

She is my angel. She is my little glimpse into Heaven. She is the light that shines through a world that would know no light without her. She is my air, and the reason I was born. I love her I love her, I love her.

So Lucky...

This is me. I'm 7 months pregnant now, but it feels like 10 months pregnant!! I guess I don't mind, but it sure makes working at cleaning houses a harder thing than it used to be!!

Speaking of cleaning houses, God has totally provided the work that I needed to continue to bring income into the house. So thank Him for that. It does still put me in a position of having to totally and blindly trust Him though because I don't know how I'm going to continue to work all by myself. The girl that was helping me has now stopped working because it's too much of a strain on her family. So here I go all by my lonesome, but I know deep down that it will all be ok.

I recently got more deeply involved with my little church. I attended the new members class, and then last Sunday, I went ahead and got baptized...in front of the whole church!!! That was nerve-racking, but I wanted to get it over with!

Mom and I are getting along better nowadays. She is still very sick, but she manages to help out with Shelbi, and she does a lot of the housework. My stupid math teacher is still stupid. By stupid I mean still extremely attractive, handsome, and charming. aka...stupid. And there are these two girls in my class who LOVE to throw themselves at him. It's pathetic, really.

About these two girls...since the first class, they ALWAYS sit in the exact same spot in the class, and for whatever reason, they save me a seat every time. This time, I got there early. So I saved them a seat. When they walked in the door, I moved my back pack, and lo and behold, they plopped down right in the very front, right next to the teacher. 15 minutes later, I walked out of class. I was so angry.

On to happier thoughts. As I was at home this evening, I was on my way downstairs to the laundry room with a Shelbi-shirt plastered with noodles and chocolate. I realized suddenly how my life has changed...and how little I mind. Honestly, what did I have before her? I had heartache and heart break; I had pain and misery; I had drunken nights and foggy mornings; I had empty days and meaningless relationships; I had nothing. I had a whole lot of nothing. In moments, I went from having nothing, to having EVERYTHING. I couldn't be happier than when I am with her, taking care of her, listening to her ask for 'wa-wa'. And when she comes toddling in frantically saying "HAGGY HAGGY HAG, HAG, HAG, HAGGY HAGGY!!!!!" Translated: HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY!!!! She is the love of my life.

And now I have another love...I have Berek. How does one girl get so lucky?